This last week has been very hard on us and the local SCA community as a whole. A well liked woman was taken from us. She was a good person. She was friendly, compassionate, and enthusiastic. She shared of her time, her knowledge, and herself with any and all. She was, in short, a lovely person.
At first we thought she was simply lost. The community came together and searched the roads in and around the town she lived in. We, the people, were of one mind and one thought. Find her, bring her home, and make sure she is safe. Many of the searcher knew her personally and considered her a friend. Others simply heard that someone was in need and so they made themselves available to help in any way possible.
Hope turned to dismay when she was found dead in a ditch. Through no fault of her own her flame was snuffed out. And, as with many of these kinds of things her body was simply thrown away and discarded as so much trash. The nature of her loss has left many feeling angry, annoyed, disappointed, and sad. Some blame themselves for not being there. Others blame the Divine for taking her out of time. Others, blame those around her who were unusual or different in some way.
The blame does not lie with any of these. The blame lies with the human or humans who chose to take her life and leave her dead in a ditch. At times like this it is hard for people to have compassion. Anger simmers just under the surface, ready to explode with the slightest touch. And, it only takes the very slightest touch to make that anger break the surface. A course word, and unthinking comment, and even the act of staying silent can be enough to break that slight tension on the surface to reveal the roiling, seething, and in some ways astonishingly raw anger.
Loss, of this nature, is hard for people to deal with. It is also hard to get over. We can not expect to get over it quickly but we can try to minimize the damage we do to ourselves and to each other. We must stand together in strength, unity, and a shared moment of rgrief.
I am no different. I am human, after all. I surround myself with darkness and blame myself for not seeing some premonition that would have saved her life. I think to myself, "Why wasn't I there" and "Why did this have to happen?" In the early more hours of a sleepless night, tears leak from my eyes and I feel the need to lash out. Only there is nothing to lash out at. So I, and I expect everyone touched by this situation, try to control the primal need to lash out which makes me feel even more lost and confused.