Monday, February 28, 2011

Depression Hurts

As silly as the title of this post sounds I can attest to its accuracy. Since the untimely death of Cassie I have found myself mired deep in depression. Deeper and darker than I have experienced in years. I find myself bursting into tears late at night, early in the mornings, and sometimes in the middle of the afternoon. My body aches, especially my neck and shoulders. I am tired all the time and I just want to sleep. I haven't reached the point where I contemplate suicide, thankfully.

I've always suffered depression. I find it gets worse and better depending on the amount of stress in my life and believe it or not the weather. I have been permanently prescribed anti-depressants, with carte blanche to adjust the number of pills by 1 a day should I feel the need to do so. I hate taking pills, especially anti-depressants, but I admit that in the last two weeks I have given serious thought to increasing my dosage by a single pill.

The pain never goes away but occasionally I can stop thinking about Cassie by working on something that requires a lot of attention. This is of course only a stop gap measure and works only so long as I can keep busy. Unfortunately, when I am like this I can sometimes take much onto my plate and that can cause stress, too. It can become, if not identified and corrected quickly enough, a never ending cycle of stress, disappointment, demoralization, and panic.

Experience, a loving spouse, and knowledge help me to identify my current situation and hopefully take steps to stop the downward spiral from getting out of hand. I know this is situational depression, like that developed by someone who has lost their spouse or life partner, and will over the next few weeks get better or at least become manageable.

Others who suffer from depression are not so lucky. If you know someone who seems to be suffering from depression, please talk to them. If they refuse then talk to your family doctor. Be supportive, kind, and if you have to, be firm as well. Sometimes just knowing someone cares can help the depressed person make that first step to getting help and getting better.

Here are some useful links if you want to learn more about depression.
Understanding Depression
Depression Canada
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
Health Canada
Public Health agency of Canada


PeterC said...

Love you.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Dee!!
Spring is just around the corner and it will soon be time to tend to your gardens. I always find that very therapeutic--even pulling weeds works for me. Hopefully your crocuses will be peeking through the snow in another couple of weeks. I was out walking today and I notice that the sun is already feeling warmer on my face.

Take care,


Sara Katherine said...

Everything will get better I'm sure.
I love your blog.
It's so true.
Keep writing.

neora chana said...

I experience depression, too, and treat it as a psychotherapist. As you know, you are not alone and the intensity of your current situation will pass. hang in there !

chaussures air max said...

I know this is situational depression, like that developed by someone who has lost their spouse or life partner, and will over the next few weeks get better or at least become manageable.

Jaynie said...

sadly i have to endure depression - and as you say it stays with you - i hope you manage to stay on the better side of things - i know how easy it is to say and how hard it is to do xxxx take care

Anonymous said...

I had experienced depression for 12 years. it as severe. my diagnosis was reactive depressive, and that sounds like what you have.

i began using positive thinking and it cured me. to think i wasted all of those years in therapy without any help. i looked at my thoughts, and they were all depressing, so i took a thought that i had that was negative and turned it into a positive one and repeated it silently all day, and by the end of the day my depression had lifted, so i continued doing this and was cured shortly thereafter. now they have a book out called mood therapy by dr. burns. my method was easier so it seems. but it is true, your thought do depress you.