As silly as the title of this post sounds I can attest to its accuracy. Since the untimely death of Cassie I have found myself mired deep in depression. Deeper and darker than I have experienced in years. I find myself bursting into tears late at night, early in the mornings, and sometimes in the middle of the afternoon. My body aches, especially my neck and shoulders. I am tired all the time and I just want to sleep. I haven't reached the point where I contemplate suicide, thankfully.
I've always suffered depression. I find it gets worse and better depending on the amount of stress in my life and believe it or not the weather. I have been permanently prescribed anti-depressants, with carte blanche to adjust the number of pills by 1 a day should I feel the need to do so. I hate taking pills, especially anti-depressants, but I admit that in the last two weeks I have given serious thought to increasing my dosage by a single pill.
The pain never goes away but occasionally I can stop thinking about Cassie by working on something that requires a lot of attention. This is of course only a stop gap measure and works only so long as I can keep busy. Unfortunately, when I am like this I can sometimes take much onto my plate and that can cause stress, too. It can become, if not identified and corrected quickly enough, a never ending cycle of stress, disappointment, demoralization, and panic.
Experience, a loving spouse, and knowledge help me to identify my current situation and hopefully take steps to stop the downward spiral from getting out of hand. I know this is situational depression, like that developed by someone who has lost their spouse or life partner, and will over the next few weeks get better or at least become manageable.
Others who suffer from depression are not so lucky. If you know someone who seems to be suffering from depression, please talk to them. If they refuse then talk to your family doctor. Be supportive, kind, and if you have to, be firm as well. Sometimes just knowing someone cares can help the depressed person make that first step to getting help and getting better.
Here are some useful links if you want to learn more about depression.
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
Public Health agency of Canada