Monday, March 31, 2008

The Plunge

I've been struggling at work, trying to balance the professional corporate world against my personal health and sanity, for quite a while now. I strongly identified with my position as a professional but in the end I decided that I could no longer play by their rules and remain a sane person. I was already struggling with depression and I felt as if I was losing the battle. I approached the management and explained the situation and was informed this was not their problem and that I had to learn to deal with situation.

Thursday I took the plunge and handed in my two week notice. In classic Dilbert fashion my manager announced that I had to have my desk cleaned out by the end of the day and I was no longer required to finish my time. I guess I can't blame them, a disgruntled employee can cause a lot of harm in the business they are running. However, it further reinforced the feeling that the "Company that Cares" really didn't care and was all to glad too see me gone.

Today is my first day as a housewife and I'm finding myself in shock. It felt really good to sleep in this morning but now I can't seem to organize myself enough to get the house cleaned and decide on what to fix for supper. I hope this lost feeling dissipates soon or I fear the negative downward spiral that is depression will eat me alive and the decision I made last week will be for nought. Self recriminations will pile on top of low self esteem until I am in a deep dark well with no hope of getting out. I know, I've been there before many, many years ago.


Anonymous said...

Hey Dee,

First of all: You will be missed by more people than you think.

It sounds strange, but congrats on your decision. It took a lot of courage to make.

I'm sure the first few weeks will be very strange and full of doubts but I know you will find more than enough to do to keep yourself occupied and active. Somebody once told me that the first 14 days following a major change are the hardest. Let me know in two weeks how you're diong.

Until that time: Enjoy yourself. Take a few days off before you worry about all the things at home to work on.

Hope to see you soon,

Dee said...

Thanks -e. I appreciate the comment and I hope you are right about the first 14 days. I've been invited up for lunch with a few people sometime in the next couple of weeks. I'll try to stop in and say boo if I make it out.